Shallow breathing makes you fat

Oh my god, y’all.

So, I was over at She Dances on the Sand, reading Rio’s latest post. She has some google ads up on her page, and there was one for Oxysize. Ok, now I don’t know Rio personally, but I read her stuff religiously, and I know she’s no diet proponent. These ads are just crap that google trolls out because that’s what google does when you start talking about fat. Fat talk=diet talk in the mind of google’s automatic ad feed, I am sure.

Anyway, I kept getting distracted by this stupid Oxycise ad. What The Fuck is Oxycise? It kept reminding me of something that I had heard about on TV years ago.

Ok. So first, let me direct you to my newly updated About Me page. Shameless self-promotion aside, this should tell you a little about how my mind operates. Scary, I know. So, sometimes, to get my mind to Shut The Hell Up, I sleep with the television on.

You know how it is when you wake up in a haze and you’re still half dreaming? And how, like, if you’ve fallen asleep with something on, like music, or the TV or even if your alarm clock is going off it sometimes becomes a part of the last dream you are dreaming just short of your waking up? OK. Well that happens to me every time I fall asleep with the TV on.

Usually around 5am I awake in my dream haze, and of course, it’s to an infomercial. I’ve had the blender bullets incorporated into my dreams. I’ve had real estate sales pitches incorporated into my dreams. One time N came in to the living room to find I was half asleep to a colon cleanse product pitch, and yes, I was dreaming about that, too. Delightful.

A number of years ago, I was doing the same such thing, sleeping away on the couch with the television on, and I started having fantastic visions of not needing to eat ever again. A pleasant woman was talking to me about the wonders of using breath to sustain all nutritional needs. She called this magical invention Breatharianism. It was a spiritual movement, and it allowed a person freedom from food.

It was so crazy, I really thought I was truly dreaming it all. Only my mind could make such a thing up.

Oh no.

It exists. It’s a real spiritual movement. It was not just my crazy dreaming mind. It was a real infomercial, that had made its way into my unconscious, dream state. It’s stayed with me this whole time, and was triggered by that damn Oxycise ad on Rio’s site.

I have tried reading more about Breatharianism, but quite frankly, I cannot wrap my mind around it. It has something to do with people descending to earth and 3-dimensional food and 5-dimensional food, and perhaps the McDonald’s hamburger is 5-dimensional and people can simply not eat and get all they need just by breathing deeply. It’s too much for me, honestly. Clearly, I will not become an ascended master anytime soon. That’s OK. I will continue to enjoy 3-dimensional food.

As for Oxycise, wtf.

Apparently, fatness is caused by improper breathing:

Everybody breathes, so why are so many people overweight?

Low oxygen occurs for several reasons. Here are 2 primary reasons:

1. Shallow chest breathing. Most of you only use a fraction of your lungs. Why? You wear tight pants, girdles, tight belts, hold your stomach in to look thin. More than likely you spend most of the day sitting down — working at a computer or desk all day, commuting in your car, going out to dinner, watching TV or movies. Our push-button society has all but eliminated the need for our bodies to move, and the result is a very low natural demand for oxygen.

2. Stress. Just because you sit down all day, doesn’t mean you don’t experience high stress and anxiety. You may not know this, but as you get excited, anxious, or stressed, your triglyceride levels go up in your blood causing clumping and sludging of your red blood cells. This clogs your capillaries and keeps oxygen from being delivered properly.

Could it be, that if you struggle with being overweight, or have some stubborn fat deposits that you can’t seem to get rid of, that you don’t have an eating problem, you don’t have a motivation problem — you have a breathing problem!

One of my favorite letters is from Erin Gadd, a college student, “I was depressed and desperate about my weight and had given up on any social life at college. I sought out your program and did everything you said. Within three months I lost a total of 40 pounds and 6 inches from my waist! I’ve maintained that for nearly a year without a lot of effort and can fit in pants I wore in 10th grade. In fact, a pair of shorts that I couldn’t even pull up over my hips are now baggy! It is so fun to be able to hike and run and do other activities now. But the most exciting of all is I’m getting married next week! If I hadn’t made these body changes, I would have never had the confidence to meet my new husband.

Oh my god, if I breathe right, I can meet a man.

Sign me up.

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10 Comments

  1. Sandy said,

    February 12, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    Now, I don’t believe in the breathernarian or whatever you spell it…but I have heard that most people don’t breath “correctly” in that they breath shallowly. I read this a few years back so I can’t even say if it was a scientific study or just something I read…but I will say I started paying attention to the way I breath and started taking deeper breaths and I became more alert (kinda focus on your breathing like when you do Yoga and breath from your belly not your chest).

    However…

    I seemed to have gained weight since then not lost it. So…maybe I am breathing TOO much? *shrug*

  2. thoughtracer said,

    February 12, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    I totally agree that people don’t breathe properly. I used to practice meditation regularly, and now whenever I get into a deeper breathing pattern, it instantly relaxes me — it triggers me back into that meditative state. There’s a lot to be said about the powers of breath.

    I’m laughing about Oxycise because it claims you can lose 200 pounds just by breathing alone. Oh please.

  3. jamboree said,

    February 12, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    Um, have they never seen classically trained theatre actors? Those people know how to breathe — how else can they project their voices, right?

    As these actors age, their rib cages get bigger… and bigger… and bigger. Wanna know why? Oh, they breathe correctly all right. And as a result their muscles get stronger and — wait for it! — BIGGER!

    These people, both men and women, are practically barrel chested.

    I wonder what these Oxycise people are actually breathing.

  4. Cindy said,

    February 12, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    That Oxycize nut has been around for years.

    Don’t know who she’s had to sleep with to get her infomercials, but, damn, they are like a car wreck. Can’t. Look. Away.

  5. wriggles said,

    February 12, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    I agree that trainning yourself to breathe properly again is wonderful, I think that when you are under repeated stresses, it can get stuck on shallow, and/or it’s pattern can alter. It’s too important to be touted for weight loss, it’s worth doing in its own right.

  6. Bee said,

    February 12, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    Hmmm… Both me and my mother suffer from mild anxiety disorders, rendering us a pair of very rigid and shallow breathers and yet I’ve always been chubby and she’s always been skinny. Could it have anything to do with my father’s side of the family descending from hearty, chubby German peasants rather than with the way we breathe? ;o)

  7. Brigid Keely said,

    February 12, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    “Breatharians” are featured in Warren Ellis’s “Transmetropolitan,” a sociopolitical comic set in the far future. I’d always assumed they were created for the comic.

  8. Emerald said,

    February 12, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Yup, the breathtarians are real. There’s a dreadful woman named Jasmuheen (or something like that) who’s their chief proponent, at least in the UK. She claims not to eat anything and to live on ‘light’, but journalists have caught her with a cookie and a cup of tea and she usually explains it away as…well, she doesn’t need food any more, she just “likes” to eat it sometimes. Merely wacky if it were just her, but she runs workshops and retreats to teach other people how to do this. They’re rumored to attract a lot of anorexics, and at least one person is thought to have died of starvation at one of these retreats, although of course the verdict was ‘accidental’. Scary.

    I won’t deny that many people don’t breathe properly, and that learning to do so can make you feel heaps better and benefit conditions like asthma – my husband can vouch for that. But weight loss? No.

  9. bimaconcept said,

    February 12, 2008 at 10:53 pm

    breathtarians are real………Nice to see you

  10. Patricia said,

    March 5, 2008 at 3:39 pm

    I’ve lost 157 lbs with Oxycise, and I’m still going. Yes, just by breathing. It’s not 200 lbs yet, but I’m getting there. I’m just glad I didn’t run across a post like this before I bought it and decide not to, or I would still be the same miserable 350+ lbs. I would hope that you would at least try it before you trash it. It’s a wonderful program and it has quite literally saved my life. And PS, my ribcage has only got smaller.


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